It's like in the movies when you see all the events leading up to the murder, but not the murder itself. The killer wakes up the next day, hands covered in blood, but no body. I look back and I can recall all the events that got me here. The parties, the bad influences, the lack of motivation..but not the actual destruction of my old self. But slowly, it's all coming back to me. I see where I've gone wrong, and I know what I need to do to recover my old self and put my life back together. I see that growing up and college isn't just about who can take the most shots without puking, and who can get the most numbers in one night. It's about finding yourself, not losing yourself. It's about building a foundation for the rest of your adult life.
Sadly, I wish I would've realized this before I've reached the point I'm at now. Little do people know, I'd go back and do it all differently if I could. I went from an honors student, to academic probation. I went from obedient and responsible, to rebellious and wild. I went to the complete opposite extreme, and its finally kicking me in the ass. Slowly, its eating me up inside. On the outside, I appear fine. But sometimes the brightest eyes hide the darkest secrets. I'm ready to stop falling apart. I'm ready to take the pieces and build myself back up again. I'm done hiding from my mistakes. I need to let them go and find the girl I was once happy to see in the mirror each morning.
From the point on, it's about me. I'm done trying to impress others and be good enough for the people around me. I will find my old self...and I will bring her back.
Thanks so much! :))
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