Hello Reality, My Old Friend

Isn’t it funny? For one small second, everything feels picture perfect. For just one small second, nothing in the world matters. But then, when you’re sitting alone, staring at the blank wall in front of you, it hits you. Reality. And not just a little love tap, oh god no. Reality hits you hard, with no remorse. And then suddenly, everything that made that split second feel perfect doesn’t matter anymore. Because quite frankly, reality doesn’t give a fuck if you’re happy or not. She’s a cold-hearted bitch who wants to remind you about the crippling pile of debt you’re carrying around when you’d rather be thinking about your new relationship. She’s the grade school bully who wants to remind you that your lifestyle choices aren’t what they should be and how the rest of the world is surpassing you. Just when you finally think you see the light at the end of the tunnel, you get close enough to see it’s just the gleaming eyes of reality looking down at you. And darling, there is no escaping, no matter how hard or fast you run. 

I Will Never Be Like The Other Girls...

I’m not sexy,

I’m not hot.

I will never be like the other girls.

Tanned legs,

Skinny waists.

I will never be like the other girls.

Boys crave them,

Girls want to be like them.

I will never be like the other girls.

I started this poem a few months ago. I was feeling down on myself after leaving a party one weekend. I had left the party early because I felt uncomfortable in my own skin. The other girls at the party were perfect. Tan. Skinny. Perfect. I longed to be like them. I longed to receive the attention they received. I didn't feel beautiful around them, and therefore, I couldn't be seen with them. It wasn't until recently that I realized how completely wrong I was. I do not need to be tan and a size 0 to be confident. I don’t need to be sexy or hot, because I am beautiful. Not being tan doesn't make me any less than the other girls around me. My light skin and size 5 are what make me, who I am…ME! I learned to see the things that make me who I am. The things that make ME beautiful. My rich brown eyes. My ever so happy smile. And not just physical attributes. My ability to laugh at everything. My ability to make friends with everyone and everything. I was too focused on trying to be like the other girls that I lost sight of who I am and the things that make me who I am.

I will never be like the other girls…because I am me.

Cheering You On or Playing Defense

Get positive influences around you. Tell them your goals and make them your cheerleaders.

I sent that quote to a friend of mine earlier this afternoon and he responded, "You tell me and let's make it your reality. Let's do it together!". People like him are the kind of people we need to associate ourselves with in order to succeed and meet our goals. We will not find success if we can't find people who will help us reach success. You can't do it alone, and people bringing you down isn't going to make success any easier. Associate yourself with people who will lift you up instead of hold you down. Life may be the longest thing we'll ever know, but by the time you hit age 55, it'll feel like just yesterday you were 18 and learning how to survive on your own. Now is the time to figure out who you want to be and where you're going to go, and you can't do that unless you have positive influences in your life. 

Stop for a minute and think. Are the people influencing you positive or negative? Who's side are they on? Are they going to be your cheerleaders or playing defense??

I'm A Murderer...

In order to properly "earn" the teardrop tattoo, you have to had murdered someone. Jokingly, I told my friends and coworkers I'd come home from jail with a teardrop tattoo and gang tattoos all over my body. At the time, it was nothing more than a joke...but now I realize I have earned my teardrop. I have murdered myself. The old me. She is gone, and nobody will find her. Not even I know what I did with my old self.


It's like in the movies when you see all the events leading up to the murder, but not the murder itself. The killer wakes up the next day, hands covered in blood, but no body. I look back and I can recall all the events that got me here. The parties, the bad influences, the lack of motivation..but not the actual destruction of my old self. But slowly, it's all coming back to me. I see where I've gone wrong, and I know what I need to do to recover my old self and put my life back together. I see that growing up and college isn't just about who can take the most shots without puking, and who can get the most numbers in one night. It's about finding yourself, not losing yourself. It's about building a foundation for the rest of your adult life.


Sadly, I wish I would've realized this before I've reached the point I'm at now. Little do people know, I'd go back and do it all differently if I could. I went from an honors student, to academic probation. I went from obedient and responsible, to rebellious and wild. I went to the complete opposite extreme, and its finally kicking me in the ass. Slowly, its eating me up inside. On the outside, I appear fine. But sometimes the brightest eyes hide the darkest secrets. I'm ready to stop falling apart. I'm ready to take the pieces and build myself back up again. I'm done hiding from my mistakes. I need to let them go and find the girl I was once happy to see in the mirror each morning.


From the point on, it's about me. I'm done trying to impress others and be good enough for the people around me. I will find my old self...and I will bring her back.

This Isn't Me...What Have You Done?

On a daily basis, I associate with a large variety of people. Some are super religious and take life seriously, while others are out popping pills and living life to the extreme. I normally don't think much of it. Who cares what my friends are doing? It doesn't effect me, right?

WRONG!

The people you associate with and spend time with make you the person you are right now. Whether you want to believe it or not. I didn't realize how much of an impact some of the people I hangout with have on me. Growing up, adults have always told us to choose our friends wisely, but I for one never gave who my friends were a second thought. We have fun, we know how to have a good time. Who cares if they're out getting high instead of going to class. Who cares if they're flunking out of school. That's them, not me.

WRONG AGAIN!

The people I surround myself with are changing me. When I think about the person I've become since I moved away from home, I don't feel very good inside. I can't look in the mirror and feel the same way I used to. A year ago, I would not picture myself in the place I'm at right now. You don't realize the impact the people you're around have on you until you start to remove some of them from your everyday life. For example, lets take a look at Person A and Person B.

Person A and I have had some crazy weekends, but we don't really associate as much during the week. I'm there for Person A when they need something, but they're never there for me in return. When I'm with Person A, I stay up to all hours of the night, and don't get the rest needed for work. Because of that, my performance at work goes down. I am too tired to function. In order to stay awake, I pound energy drinks all day and spend money on crappy junk food that never fully satisfies me. Then, I come home and feel nasty. Instead of going to sleep like I should, I instead repeat the entire thing all over again the next day/night.

Person B and I have known each other since the beginning of the semester. I never really associated with Person B until recently. Since Person B and I started hanging out a little and communicating, I've noticed several positive changes in my life. Person B continues to motivate me to change and cut out the negativity in my life. Within a few days, I have started working out again, focused my mind on work and change, and started eating healthy. Instead of snacking on junk all day, I find myself waking up and eating breakfast and snacking on fruit and nuts occasionally through out the day. Not only that, but I have a new found energy that wasn't there before. 

Notice how one person positively influences my life and brings me up to new heights, while the other brings me up for a little while, but ends up pushing me to an all new low. I want to associate myself with people like Person B that lift me up and motivate me, versus bring me down and hurt me. I'm not saying I'm going to completely cut out people like Person A, but I need to stop spending so much time with people like them. 

It's crazy how someone can impact your life. Unfortunately, its taken me far too long to notice how my friends are really effecting my life and my decisions, but it's never too late to make a change. I challenge you to stop and look at yourself and the people you hang out with. Are they lifting you up and helping you reach your full potential? Or are they bringing you down and only bringing you temporary satisfaction? Make the changes you need to before you lose sight of who you are.

Your Own Personal Therapy Session

Music can be so much more than a cool beat or a sick drop. It can be the difference between life or death for some, or an influence on an important life decision for another. A song to one person can mean something completely different to another person. Music speaks to us. We don’t always choose how it speaks to us, but there always seems to be that one song that truly calls to us. We all have that one song we go to when nothing seems to be going right. That one song, soft and mellow or fast and upbeat, always seems to turn your mood around or give you that extra push you need. Or that one song that you can’t help but want to dance to. No matter where you are, you can’t stop yourself from squirming in your seat or tapping your feet. Music is an amazing thing. A therapy you can always turn to. A friend that will always be there to tell you what you need to hear. Our lives wouldn’t be the same without the music around us…

This time, I'm trying something different. I’m not writing this entry on my own. I’ve collected experiences from friends and producers about how music has impacted their lives and how they use music to impact those around them. Not only will you read their experiences, but mine also. Per the request of the participants, personal experiences will remain anonymous…

“Welllll once upon a time I drank an entire bottle of whiskey and drove through a canyon at 90 miles an hour, hoping for the worst, and if I wasn't dead by the time I got to a pre-planned point in the canyon, I was going to crank my wheel off of a ledge, clipping the end of a guard rail and spiral into a ravine. But five miles before the point, "Amber" by Stick To Your Guns came on shuffle.

[I] pulled off into [the] gravel. Sat and bawled for hours until I sobered up, [and] drove home in the morning.

I essentially wouldn't be alive if it weren't for that song. And now every time I hear it, I'm reminded of how I deserve to be here, and I'm not the only one who's going through shit.”

SONG: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=40hymbrQznE

LYRICS: http://www.plyrics.com/lyrics/sticktoyourguns/amber.html

“As I was laying in my room bawling, I thought of all the wrong in my life. All the mistakes, all the hurt, pain, and tears. I was done. I didn't want to be around anymore. I thought, “what's the point?” There are so many other people out there in the world. It's not like anyone will miss just one person. I don't make any difference. Of course like any dramatic moment, like in movies, music was playing in the background just making me go into a deeper thought of my life and all the bad. All the sudden a song came on, “You Raise Me Up” by Josh Groban. Right then I realized all of the people, memories, sadness and happiness, and mistakes in my life as well. But instead of looking at it negatively, I thought of who it’s made me become today. How strong it really has made me. How it has brought me closer to other people that needed to be in my life, and away from people not as needed. Everything and everyone makes an impact on you. They all can bring you down, but at some point you'll have to be raised up. [It] made me notice, if I didn't have [the] bad in my life, I wouldn't have noticed the good. And one day, I hope to make an impact on other’s lives as they do mine, positively.”

                SONG: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aJxrX42WcjQ

LYRICS: http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/joshgroban/youraisemeup.html

“I thought I had fallen in love with him. He was all I could ever think about. Day and night, he was on my mind. I couldn’t get over the way he made me feel when he talked to me, or even just smiled at me as I walked past him on campus. How could someone so perfect be so imperfect for me? He broke my heart, and I couldn’t accept it. Around him, I pretended like everything was just dandy. I pretended like nothing had changed, when in reality, I’d cry every time I left his home or dropped him off. It killed me inside to know what we used to be was no longer anything to him.

One day, after dropping him off at home, I came home and started drinking. Drinking had always seemed to numb the pain I felt inside, especially heartache. I had the music on my phone cranked and I bawled as I chugged bottle after bottle. Why wasn’t I good enough for him? Why couldn’t he feel the way he once did? In the middle of my emotional breakdown, “Wasting All These Tears” by Cassadee Pope came on over my speakers. It was like a movie scene now that I look back at it. The first line of the song “I tried to find you at the bottom of a bottle” couldn’t describe what was happening any better. I looked at the empty bottles on the floor around me. Was he really worth this?

The way I handled the situation was hurting me more than losing him was. I was wasting all my tears on a guy that was never truly worth it in the first place. Yeah, we had some good times, but I missed out on so many other opportunities and good guys because I wasn’t myself and I couldn’t move on. This song helped me realize I was doing nothing more than wasting my tears.”

                SONG: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EJZOeTnvq4k

                LYRICS: http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/cassadeepope/wastingallthesetears.html

“Music has always impacted me in one way or another, but there is one night and one song, that will forever stick out in my mind. About a month or so, I noticed some concerning posts on my friend’s page while I was watching a movie at a friend’s. He talked about how he wasn’t worth it and he made comments about how nobody would miss him if he was gone. I panicked. I sent countless texts, doing anything I could to make him believe how amazing he is and how much I value our friendship. This went on for nearly an hour without any response on his end.

On the verge of losing it emotionally, I got up and left the movie. I couldn’t find back the tears anymore. I ran to the car, tears swelling in my eyes. I got in my car, cranked the radio, and drove. I did what I do anytime I’m upset. I picked a road and followed it. I didn’t care where it took me, I just had to get away. The road I happened to take this time took me into the canyon. I was bawling by now, so my vision wasn’t the best. I realize now that I shouldn’t have been driving, but at the time, I could’ve cared last. I didn’t realize how fast I was going, I was taking turns in the canyon at 75-80 mph. Turns that shouldn’t be taken at more than 45 mph seemed to be little curves in the road to me now. If my friend couldn’t handle this fucked up world, how could I? I’ve always looked up to him for his strength while everything crashed down around him. But now, he’d given up. How could I do this on my own? Just as I was approaching a sharp turn in the road near a ledge, “Keep Holding On” by Avril Lavigne started playing on my phone. I slammed down on the breaks of the car. As the car was trying to stop, I hit a small patch of ice in the road. The car slid out and went off the road, just before the curve in the road. I put the car in park, and I just started screaming. I was sobbing and screaming like never before. At this point, I was out of the car, kneeling on the ground. I just sat there and cried for what seemed like hours. I was alive. 

Who knows what would have happened if this song hadn’t had come on. I might’ve been fine, but I also could’ve hit the ice just right at 70+ mph and gone off the road. This song made me realize that I can’t give up. I need to keep pushing through, and my friend would make it through this as long as I stayed by his side. If I gave up, what would that tell him?”

                SONG: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MmukW1sNlIk

                LYRICS: http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/avrillavigne/keepholdingon.html

I also had a chance to talk to some producers I know about their music and how they feel it impacts the people that listen to their work. Here’s what they had to say…

“Writing and listening to music always seems to calm me down, no matter how crazy life gets. I can just put on my headphones and tune out all of the negativity going on around me, and be calm.

I like to make music to make people happy. Everyone has to deal with problems in their life, but if I can provide them with some joy in their day, that makes it all worth it for me.” (Decadon)

                SOUNDCLOUD: https://soundcloud.com/decadon

                FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/decadon

“Believe it or not, music is the easiest way to express emotion. It is the most universal AND the easiest way to communicate with someone else. Almost every #1 song on the charts since the 1970s has had hand claps in them. Why? Because it is the easiest way to involve someone else in your art. 

My parents had always emphasized music during my childhood, they had always pushed me towards studying it more than the regular school subjects. When you have the discipline and the drive to practice scales for hours a day, those skills are transferable. It's a discipline. As someone who makes their living off of composing music for others to listen to, it doesn't impact me in the same way it would someone who doesn't, but it makes it easy to empathize from an outside perspective. There are many way we subconsciously discern the emotion from music rather than the lyrics on the page: the beat or time signature (is it danceable?), the tempo (how fast is it?), the key signature or mode (Major, minor, lydian, etc). Want to know how I'm feeling? Listen to my iTunes playlist.

My career in the music industry is three part. The first part is a film composer. I have scored music for movies all around the world and have worked with every major film composer that is still alive today. The late Jerry Goldsmith said, above all, film composers need to be good dramatists. Watching a movie without the music is literally the most boring thing ever, film composers play the characters, what they're feeling, what they're doing, where they are, what they will do next; they bring the story to 

life.

The second part of my career in the music industry is owner/founder of SIM Sound Music Group, which is a company that protects musician’s rights as artists by representing them as their label, publisher, and manager. I use my skills as a business-man to collaborate with other companies throughout the United States and represent artists on their behalf. 

The third part of my music career is as a producer/songwriter. The best way to explain A&R and performing artists is like Cinderella and her slipper. When you write a song, it may not end up being your own, you may end up selling it off to another artist. Every song has the perfect performer to sing it. The best part of being a producer is when you're working with an artist and you write the song together. Your job is to help them make their dream come alive, and it's amazing to create art with someone else. You really get to know them on an intimate level.

All in all, music is integrated into everything we do. Your heart beats in rhythm, you speak with inflections, and everything makes a sound. A great mentor of mine once said, "you're only worth what you give away," it's my job to give away everything I have and to serve everyone around me, as far as my arms will reach.” (Simon Jay)

                FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/SimonJayMusic

Now you have it. Music makes some of us who we are. It represents what we stand for and impacts us emotionally, mentally, and physically. For some, music is the only thing that has kept them alive and well. Next time you hear a song that stands out to you, listen to the lyrics a little more. See how they make you feel. How do they speak to you? Let the song be your own personal therapy session…who knows, you might just find the answer you’re looking for…

Dancing In The Rain

LIFE IS WAY TOO SHORT NOT TO DANCE IN THE

 RAIN

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass; it's about learning to dance in the rain."

Vivian Greene

I love rain. It is absolutely beautiful and refreshing. Dancing in the rain can turn any bad day into something wonderful and worthwhile. I don't know what it is about the rain that makes me feel so wonderful. Maybe its the sense of being cleansed and all the bad washing away. All my mistakes and worries are washed away like the dirt that once covered the sidewalk. Or maybe it's the sound of the rain hitting the puddles forming along the street. The sound seems to mask the other noises and distractions of the outside world and puts my mind at ease. Only the sound of the rain hitting the ground and my own thoughts are left. Some of my deepest and most powerful thoughts come from sitting by myself in the pouring rain. 

I began to figure out who I am and where I'm going in life while sitting in the rain. I realized how beautiful life is and how it was worth it to keep pushing on while I watched little birds hop around in forming puddles. I realized how amazing my best friend truly is as we swung around on monkey bars and jumped in rain puddles. The little things are what make the bigger picture. Something as simple and unappreciated as rain has brought so much peace and inner joy within in my life.

So next time it rains, don't complain. Don't whine about the lack of sunshine. Instead, kick your shoes off and go outside. Jump in the puddles. Twirl around in circles and throw your arms out. Stop for a second and feel the rain hit your face. Dance like no one is watching. Do whatever your heart desires, but take a moment to appreciate the rain around you. Who knows, it might just change your life...