Tough Love

It's always easier said than done. I don't know a time when it hasn't been that way. I can tell you that I'm gonna change, but actually changing is the difficult part. It takes time, patience, and dedication. But most importantly, it takes support. I like to think and believe I'm independent and can handle everything on my own, but in all reality, I truly need help. Someone to hug. A shoulder to cry on. No one can handle everything on their own. Sometimes something as simple as an "I love you" text from a good friend can make all the difference in the world. We don't realize the effect we may have on someone's mood or life.

I've always been the person who needs to talk about what's upsetting them. I don't tell just anyone, I find one person I believe can make the biggest difference in my life, and I confide in them. I don't know what makes me choose the person I decide to open up to, but there's usually just one person. And when I find him or her,  I allow my heart and soul to bleed out. I let everything painful and upsetting out in the open for them to see. And although it's hard, it helps.

Whether they choose to help me or not, is up to them. Generally, people reassure me and tell me everything is going to be ok, but tonight, it was different. Instead, I wasn't pitied. I was practically told how stupid I was being and that I had the power to change. That the only way there was going to be change is if I made it happen. NOBODY else. It was up to me. He told me he wasn't going to talk to me like this. Yeah, I was upset. Yeah, I wanted to scream and freak out. But I didn't. Instead, I went outside and sat in the rain. I just sat there. I didn't say a word. But I cried. Not just a little bit, but a lot. And I couldn't stop. All the pain and emotion I've kept bottled up so long was finally coming out. It felt so good.

Never had I felt that way when my friends simply reassured me and gave me a pat on the back. What my friend told me tonight was different. Did it catch me off guard and hurt me a little bit? Most definitely. But did it help? Absolutely. I know he cares. He wasn't trying to be rude or hurt me...he was trying to help me.

His idea of "tough love" was hard for me to understand at first, but the more I think about it, the more I realize how right he is. I'm sorry for tonight. I'm sorry if I upset you. You're truly one of my closest friends and I don't know what I'd do without you. Thank you. Love you.